Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
