Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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