chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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