I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
