do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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