my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
