I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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