that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
