Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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