Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
