If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
