You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
