3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
