Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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