Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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