Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
