everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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