I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
