you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
