Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
