Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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