If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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