what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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