One girl and one boy is just not enough.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
