His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
