So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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