your thong is hanging out like whoa
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
