I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
