Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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