i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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