I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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