I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
