I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
