Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
