I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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