She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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