She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
