i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
