even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
