So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
