hotel room ftw
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
