I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
