Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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