So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
