I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
