When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
