it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize