Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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