I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
