She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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