I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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