Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
