I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
