look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize