Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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