well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
