i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize