i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
