If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
