so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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