My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
