and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
