you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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