Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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